The rollercoaster of pandemic emotions

I’ve been struggling with a lot of different emotions lately...as we all are. We’re in the middle of a global pandemic, after all. I just finished listening to another amazing Brené Brown podcast (Unlocking Us) with Dr. Marc Brackett who just came out with a new book “Permission to Feel.” I’ve been especially fascinated lately by all of Brené’s research on vulnerability, shame, authenticity, and courage. Listening to her new podcasts and reading/rereading her books has been helping me focus on things I can change (my relationship to myself and my own reactions/perceptions of the world) and really helping me to feel a sense of calm and positive connection. I love that she comes at emotions and feelings from a scientific, research based perspective. Somehow it makes it all seem more “real.” From what they talked about in the podcast, Dr. Brackett’s book sounds like it’s in same realm, and I can’t wait to read. He’s also the Founding Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. How cool is it that Yale has a Center for Emotional Intelligence?! 

A couple things they talked about during this podcast really hit home for me with what I’ve been going through during the pandemic. Marc and Brené (I guess we’re all on a first name basis now...) both talk about emotion regulation and that those who are best at regulating their emotions don’t suppress or ignore what they’re feeling. Brené always says that emotions don’t just “go away.” You need to go through the feeling; ignoring and bottling it up will only make it worse when it comes back to bite you in the end. This is something I’ve learned over the years, but it’s a nice reminder to hear it from the science people with lots of degrees and titles around their names. Marc has a great quote in the podcast about the ultimate acceptance of your feelings- “You can be with the feeling and not let that feeling have power over you. That’s the ultimate form of acceptance of that feeling.” 

Another one of Brené’s topics in the podcast is DEFINITELY relevant to my rollercoaster of pandemic emotions...comparative suffering. We often give our own struggles less value because we perceive that others have it worse than we do. Brené says, “Comparative suffering is a bankrupt idea because empathy and compassion are not finite. Everyone’s hurt matters.” Thank you, Brené! Now that you mention it, I guess what someone else is going through really doesn’t have anything to do with what’s going on inside of me, and I should give myself “permission to feel” (see what I did there? Marc’s book title!) everything I’m feeling. Marc calls the feelings that come out of comparative suffering “meta-emotions” or feelings about your feelings. We’re feeling shame or anxiety about the feelings that were feeling! In order to help process any emotion you’re having, meta or not, Marc suggests to do some digging and try to figure out why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling. Writing about what you’re feeling is extremely helpful (which has always been my favorite way to untangle particularly complicated emotions). The goal is to label the real feeling you’re having (and figure out why) which means you’ll have an easier time dealing with it. Labeling = power. 💪🏼 Talking about what you’re feeling with another trusted human (friend or family member) can also help to untangle those super knotted emotions. My mom has always told me that communication is key, and it was so interesting to apply this principle to myself and my own emotions instead of just to my relationships with others (which is usually what she’s telling me to do when she reminds me the importance of communication). I need to be communicating with MYSELF first. If I’m not accurately processing ALL of my own emotions, Brené and Marc both agree that I won’t be able to be my authentic self with those I love. Wow. We all need to be able to understand and communicate with ourselves first, even if that communication (our feelings) is difficult or even contradictory sometimes. We’re only (wonderfully) human, after all. Hopefully we can carry the skills we’re learning now to deal with all these complicated, contradictory emotions that are coming up as a result of the pandemic into future times. What a wonderful world to be able to coexist with other humans who can understand, process, and communicate their emotions effectively and with empathy. Authenticity for all!

I’ll keep working on it. 😊