Get ready, get set…Go meditatE.

I’ve been trying to start a meditation practice for years. I’ve been curious about meditation for probably at least the last 10 years and hadn’t tried it even once until a couple months ago. For a long time, I was curious about it because so many people seemed to love it and get so much out of it, but I couldn’t imagine that I could really get something out of...well...nothing. Don’t you at least have to be MOVING to, like, get somewhere? Maybe it’s because I’m older and wiser now, maybe it’s because The Universe was gently pushing me in the right direction...who knows, but about a year ago, I downloaded the Headspace app. I was in the middle of my “self re-discovery” journey and I had been seeing stuff about meditation everywhere. Lots of places talked about these awesome, easy apps that would get even the newest meditation newbie going on the right path. Headspace seemed to be a stand out favorite and I’m a sucker for pretty interfaces, so I downloaded it. Plus, it was free. Can’t go wrong. I spent a couple minutes browsing around the a couple of times and thinking how awesome the design was, but never actually did any meditating. FINALLY a couple weeks before the world closed, on my way to salsa rehearsal, I did a single Headspace session for 3 minutes on the train. Not exactly the ideal environment, but, even so, it was amazing. 

Before the quaranpause, I was always running around like a chicken with its head cut off. There were always a million things to do, and places to be, and people to see. It’s been so nice to have this time to really slow down and listen to how I’m actually feeling and what I really want and need. But, when I meditated on the train that one night in the middle of another crazy day, I realized that I could get a sense of calm and quiet in the middle of the storm around me, and it was life changing. Soul opening, even.

I spent the first couple weeks of quarantine freaking out in my own ways. One day it was a panic attack (that I never have), the next day it was sleeping all day on the couch, then it was cooking up a storm, then hopping around the apartment and working out like a crazy person, the next day it was devouring a book in a single sitting...everything was somewhat manic in its own way. Then one day I remembered that I wanted to meditate. I remembered those 3 minutes on the train and how calm and whole I felt. I remembered that I had 9 of the free Headspace sessions left to do and I did one. Actually in a quiet room with no distractions this time. This time, I felt the change in my whole body. I felt like my blood was flowing differently and I was truly sitting with the core of my being. I felt my breath moving in and out of all the parts of my body and felt more grounded and safe than I have in years. 

I’ve been meditating every day since. Headspace has been so awesome for me. It has so many options and really lets you go at your own pace. Part of what had stopped me from meditating all those years was I thought I really had to take the time to learn how to do it. You don’t. Of course you’ll get better as you practice, like with anything else, but all you have to do is just sit down, close your eyes, and breathe. Knowing that thoughts will float in and out and that you can calmly let them go instead of being upset with yourself for “doing it wrong” was huge for me. And being able to start with just 1-3 minute sessions was also key. I always feel like there’s never enough time, even now, and knowing that I can break it down to something as small as a 3 minute chunk of my day made me realize that there was really no excuse not to do it. Very quickly, I started doing 10 minute sessions and that’s what I’ve been at for the last month or so. For me, it’s perfect. Just enough time to ground myself but not so long that I feel like I won’t be able to check off the million other things that are still on my to-do list. But, let me tell you, meditation is for sure on my to-do list every single day. I’ve been sleeping better, I’ve been able to manage the anxiety I’ve been feeling about the current state of the world better, and I’m able to call on the sense of calm and groundedness that I feel in my sessions at any point throughout the day. It’s lead to better relationships, more clarity AND I’M NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT OR DOING ANYTHING. I’M JUST SITTING THERE. BREATHING. Nuts. 

Anyway, I highly recommend you try it. If you don’t know where to start- download the Headspace app. It really is a great starting point if you’re intimidated in any way. Like I said, they have super short sessions and the free “basics” course is phenomenal. The cute little bubble characters in the app and the founder’s calming voice (and British accent) really hold your hand and walk you into this unknown world that’s really the most known thing you have- getting back to yourself. So, try to meditate today. Even if you don’t download any of the fancy apps, just set the timer on your phone for 1 minute- ONE minute and focus on your breath. Try to slow everything down, let everything go, and just breathe. You’ll be surprised by who you are when you’re done. Trust me. 🧘🏽‍♀️💫💪🏼

Let’s Play…

The importance of creativity and play have been popping up a lot in my life lately. One podcast would lead to another would lead to a book would lead to an article would lead to an interview and they were all taking about how important it is to cultivate creativity and feel a sense of play, every single day, no matter who you are. I’ve been meaning to write a post about this for months, but reading Brené Brown’s book “The Gifts of Imperfection” last night really sealed the deal. Like I said, I’ve been on a Brené kick lately, and this is one of her oldest books. When I first heard of her a couple years ago, this was the book title that caught my eye first and I bought it to read on my phone. I didn’t get very far before I started reading other books instead, but I finally circled back around to it a couple weeks ago. (Ironically I did the same thing with Marie Kondo’s books, and I’ve been meaning to write a post about those, too. Maybe that one is next...) The Universe works in mysterious ways, people. This book is EXACTLY what I need to be reading right now. Brené is talking about SO many things I’ve been thinking deeply about during quarantine. I’ve been doing A LOT of self reflecting during this quaranpause...probably because I finally stopped moving long enough to hear myself think. I figured everyone must be doing the same thing, but after talking to a friend the other day who was definitely not self reflecting, I realized yet again how different we all are and how differently we’re experiencing this period. But, it sounds like even science tells us that creativity and our need for play is a common thread for all humanity, especially in times of crisis. 

I listened to the “Press Play” episode of the TED Radio Hour podcast a couple of months ago and the biggest thing that I remember is a scientific study that linked lack of unstructured play to serious issues in adulthood. One of the most serious was that multiple serial killers were shown to have been starved of unstructured play when they were kids! So crazy.  (I didn’t go back and re-listen to get specific facts/quotes...hopefully that will inspire you to listen for yourself because it was really fascinating.) Who knew unstructured play was so important!? I never really gave it much thought...it was just something that happened when you’re young, I guess, but it can’t matter as an adult, can it...?

Fast forward to my next finding that echoed the importance of creativity in our lives-Chase Jarvis’ book Creative Calling. I found him and his book through a Marie Forleo podcast around the same time I listened to the TED Radio Hour podcast. (Ps. I’m a big Marie Forleo fan- I need to do a post on her book, too- Everything Is Figureoutable...absolutely amazeballs.) I was so fascinated by what he said in the interview that I listened to his whole book on Audible. He says a lot of the same stuff that Brené talks about in her chapter on creativity, but the most fascinating thing that came from both of them is that creativity doesn’t have to be something big and official, it can be as simple as doodling, cooking, or journaling. It doesn’t have to be your job or even be for anyone else other than yourself, but just taking the time to do something creative every day will help bring meaning to your life. I had never really thought of creativity this way...maybe because my college degree is in Theatre (and also English) and I spent so many classes studying creativity... Which made my concept of creativity, at least my adult concept of creativity, that it had to be “structured.” This is apparently a huge part of our problem! When we’re kids, we’re told to amuse ourselves by being creative- following our imaginations wherever they may take us- we’re encouraged to have down time and let our minds wander and daydream and do art projects for no “reason.” Why do we think this stops being important as adults?! When you turn 18 or 13 or 15, it’s not “important” or “useful” to be creative anymore unless you have a good reason for it? How crazy!!! When Chase and Brené called this to light, I realized how f*ed up my own personal concept of creativity had become. I’m always hustling and definitely ascribe to the If-I’m-Not-Doing-10,000-Things-At-Once-I’m-Not-Being-Productive tribe. The quarantine has really made me question the longevity of that tribe and whether or not I even want to be a member. And then here Brené is with her chapters on creativity and rest, play, and creativity. 🤯 

One of my favorite quotes from Brené’s creativity chapter is “the only unique contribution that we will ever make in this world will be born of our creativity.” Wow. Like, duh, right?! But totally NOT duh. I hadn’t considered my creativity for YEARS and now it turns out that it’s one of the most important things I have?! Shit. Sorry, creativity! I promise I’ll feed you and water you and give you sunlight every day from now on! I definitely hadn’t stopped using my creativity, but I wasn’t really conscious of it and I certainly wasn’t giving it the credit it deserves. Brené has a great quote from writer William Plomer who said creativity is “the power to connect the seemingly unconnected.” And then she goes on to say, “As long as we’re creating, we’re cultivating meaning.” So, all this time I thought making space for my creativity was a little frivolous, it actually wasn’t frivolous at all, it’s ESSENTIAL to who we are as beings on this planet. 

The chapter in “The Gifts of Imperfection” after creativity is on rest and play. Quarantine has definitely been teaching me how important all three of these things are, and reading about them in Brené’s words was just an affirmation of what I had already been realizing. The title of the chapter is “Cultivating Play and Rest” and the subtitle is “Letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self worth.” Oh, shiat. She SEES me. (In case you missed it a couple lines earlier, I’m a member of the If-I’m-Not-Doing-10,000-Things-At-Once-I’m-Not-Being-Productive.) As I read that, I was like, “oh noooooo. That’s me! I’m one of those people and I really don’t think I want to be,” I do want to be a productive person, but not at the expense of my sanity, and I feel like that’s what I was hurtling towards loosing before quarantine hit. 

She talks about the research of Dr. Stuart Brown who is a psychiatrist, clinical researcher, and the founder of the National Institute for Play. (I’m also pretty sure he was on the TED Radio Hour podcast I talked about earlier.) Dr. Brown’s research shows that “play shapes our brain, helps us foster empathy, helps us navigate complex social groups, and is at the core of creativity and innovation.” Guess taking some time off isn’t as frivolous as I thought... He also says that “play is purposeless” which is such a crazy thought in a world where we’re all so desperately trying to find our place and get all the things done that we need to do to claw our way up the imaginary ladder to our dreams. But, according to all these wonderful experts, and my heart, maybe there isn’t a ladder. Maybe we’re already inside our dreams, but we’re too used to running so fast we didn’t notice. The more we rest and play, the more obvious our path will be. And, apparently, the more innovative and clear we’ll be in our work, too. The very things we’ve been running from so very fast are the things that will bring true meaning to our lives and help us create a lasting impact on the world for ourselves and for others. So, take a leaf out of these experts’ books like I have and know that it’s ok to take a nap. It’s ok to do something “frivolous.” Those moments of frivolity are doing you more good than you think...😊💫💜

Quaranxiety…

…That underlying, collective feeling of anxiety we’ve all been feeling.

I’ve been having trouble putting my finger on exactly what I’ve been feeling and why I’ve been feeling it, but I finally gave it some real thought today. I’ve been mildly (and sometimes not so mildly) anxious since this whole COVID situation blew the F up. Even before anyone started going into lockdown, I was incredibly concerned by the news I was reading and was in a constant state of shock that our leaders weren’t doing anything about the escalating situation... It’s scary to be reading all these articles from experts and scientists and then having the leaders of the country and the world not leading us in a direction that’s consistent with the warnings. Especially since we can’t really do anything about it...

Even though the leaders and the scientists are (at least a little more) on the same page and we’re sheltered at home, I’m still feeling weird. (Quick pause to send a huge THANK YOU out to the healthcare and essential workers who are definitely NOT staying at home and are literally keeping the rest of us alive. Every single one of you is an amazing human and those of us at home will never be able to thank you enough for your bravery.)

Usually if I’m feeling off, I can pinpoint what’s bothering me, but this one has been harder. I’ve been trying not to think about it because everything is “fine.” I have a wonderful roof over my head, food to eat, plenty to keep me busy and sane, and people/creatures so love.  I don’t want to dwell on the negative...I’ve been trying to stay positive, but I’ve been suppressing some thoughts and feelings as a result. Not great. Apparently I should have READ my last post instead of just writing it. 🤦🏽‍♀️ So, today I realized it had gone on long enough, and I needed to do some digging to figure out where this underlying gloom was coming from. 

I realized that even if everything is “fine,” this virus really pulled the rug out from under us. Our daily lives were hard enough before when things weren’t completely changing minute to minute and hour to hour... Now SO much is unknown. Many of us have had to adapt our work lives to fit a completely different environment and many of us have lost our jobs completely. Even things as simple as going to the grocery store aren’t predictable anymore. Even the scientists, experts, and leaders don’t know what to do or think because this situation is completely unprecedented. NO WONDER I’VE BEEN EXHAUSTED AND ANXIOUS. Having to adapt to new and constantly changing situations IS exhausting, but it’s good for us, too. The ability to be resilient in the face of the unknown is a very powerful tool we can take into times of stress in the future when not all parts of our lives are quite so tumultuous. While it’s completely understandable that I’m anxious, sad, and overwhelmed about so many things right now, freaking out about what I can’t control won’t help me to harness my power to control the things I CAN. I decided to write down some things I’ve been doing in quarantine that make me feel good. Things that make me feel like I’ve accomplished something and have injected some positivity in some way out into the world...

Things to do to feel a little less grey:

1.  Meditate. This is my number one lately. I’ve been wanting to start a meditation practice for ages now, and let me tell you- all the hype? It’s real. Highly recommend the Headspace app, especially if you’re a newb. It’s a wonderful way to get started. They do a great job of walking you through the basics with a super easy (and pretty!) interface. They have short or longer options for whatever time constraints you may have that day, and soothing voiceovers to help guide you through each session. The sleep meditations are amazing, too. Meditating really helps to clear your mind of any unnecessary gunk and ground you in yourself and what you’re feeling. So, so important, especially when so much around us is in such turmoil. 

2.  Move! Exercise, dance, take a walk...do SOMETHING to get those endorphins pumping. They do a WORLD of good. It’s so, so easy to get sucked into your cocoon on the couch, but you WILL feel better if you move. I dare ya. 💪🏼 

3.  Write. Especially if you’re confused about your feelings, write them out. Write total gibberish- whatever comes to mind... You may surprise yourself by coming to a really profound conclusion about something that’s been bugging you lately just by free writing. There are a lot of great sites out there with good journal prompts if you feel like you need a little something extra to get you started, but free writing is even more cathartic, in my opinion. 

4.  Read. Let yourself get swept away with an old favorite or a new thriller or take some time to work on yourself with a personal development book. Sometimes all we need is a little time in someone else’s world to help us deal with our own. 

5.  Cook! This is definitely something that will help you feel like you’ve accomplished something and that there ARE still things in this world you can control.

6.  Call your friends and family. All the people we love most are still out there even though we can’t see them or hug them right now. And fully taking advantage of all the little slices of community and connection that are emerging in this new online world will REALLY help with any feelings of loneliness. The social part of our lives is arguably the part that has been turned upside down the most, so try to get those moments of connection with others whenever you can. Come up with fun, new things you can do with each other via FaceTime or Zoom. Play games together, talk, cook, make cocktails! If you’re looking for silver linings, you’ll get a lot of the same happy feelings you always get from hanging out with your friends, but you don’t have to get yourself home at the end when you’re exhausted. 🙃

And if you’re struggling with the loss of a loved one and are finding yourself really wishing you could talk to them, meditation can help here, too. Hold them in your mind as you close your eyes and start to breathe. See where your mind takes you as you start to drop deeper...I think you’ll find that you’ll feel a greater sense of connection with them even if you only sit with them in the meditation for a couple minutes. You can also write them a letter in your journal if that feels more right to you. They’re still out there, too. Even though you can’t see them or hug them. 💫

So, those are my musings for today. I’m glad I finally took the time to unpack the weird underlying feelings I’ve been feeling lately. It was really helpful to me to understand and acknowledge what’s been bugging me. I hope it’s helpful for you to read it. And try some of my “grey sky” tools! Writing them here for you made me feel even more grateful to have them for myself. I hope they’ll help you, too. 

☁️☔️🌞💫