just keep swimming...

I’ve been through a lot in the past couple years. I mean, I‘m sure we all have, but these past few years have been especially full for me in terms of self discovery. I moved to NYC after I graduated from college. (10 years ago in October! Wow.) I decided to move here because I had majored in theatre and figured I should probably give that a shot, but really I had NO idea what to do with myself. I thought I would hate New York. If you asked me then, I would have guessed that I’d stay for 6 months and then leave and figure out what I really wanted to do with my life. Turns out, this small town girl LOVED the big city. It made me feel alive. The energy is electric. Endless possibilities any day of the week at any time. I think I finally felt like I had the space to find myself. Which is ironic, because I grew up in a small town in Vermont where there was endless actual space and more cows than people. But the city is different. The city is like an endless pulsing imagination and I was eating it up. Right after I really started digging in and figuring out who I was and what I wanted to do with this life of mine, I met a wonderful man. My biggest dream had always been to be a mom. And to find someone to share my amazing life with. When I met this guy, I thought I finally had it all figured out. I had found the perfect person to play the role of my life partner. And I stopped. I stopped the self discovery, I stopped the dreaming, and over 7 years, the relationship that was supposed to last the rest of my life, ended. I was so deeply unhappy. At the time I thought it was because of him- I was feeling unheard and unseen. I had been saying all along how much I wanted a family and after 7 years, we were no closer to what I kept saying my dream was. But, little did I know, I was the one who was killing my own dreams. I was stifling them by cramming them in a pretty little box instead of giving them air and light and love to let them grow. So, I left. As hard as it was, it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I FINALLY gave myself the space I needed to grow. I read a TON of incredibly insightful books (all of which I will eventually post about here), did a ton of soul searching and ended up here. Now I stand tall with a deep understanding of who I am and what I want. Now I truly understand the importance of the journey, of always growing, and never stagnating. And, funnily enough, my journey brought me right back to that guy I always thought I’d marry. And this time around, it’s everything I thought it would be. Because, finally, I’M the person I always thought I’d be.

My dad found this Einstein quote a couple years ago while I was slugging through the deepest part of my self discovery and it’s become one of my favorites...”Life Is Like Riding a Bicycle. To Keep Your Balance You Must Keep Moving.” I’ve always been all about balance...I am a Libra, after all...but I didn’t really understand how important forward progress is to keeping the balance until now. So, I’ve learned from my mistakes. I’ve learned to dream bigger, to grow taller, and no matter what, to always, ALWAYS keep moving.

Let’s always try to do one thing each day to bring us closer to our dreams. Pick your favorite journal and make it your dream journal. Or make a vision board. Find your own way to document that which your soul craves the most. And do one thing each day to get yourself there. It can be something as small as going to the store and buying a plant, because you’ve always wanted an apartment filled with vibrant green life, or it can be as big as diving into the deep end and finally starting that blog...

What did you do today?