It’s Time to Choose…

Time is such a funny thing. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, because I seeming have so much more of it and simultaneously feel like I’m not actually doing anything with it. Like I said in my last post, I’m trying to be gentle with myself and not be too upset when I’m not as productive as I’d like to be. If my mind and heart aren’t in it for a couple hours or a day, I’m trying to gently guide myself towards a different choice that may not exactly check something big or important off my list but is better than sleeping as a defense mechanism or scrolling Insta again for the 5th time that hour. As I’ve been thinking about the strange way time seems to be passing now, and since we’ve been at this whole all-home-all-the-time thing for a while now, I decided to do a journal entry on what I think I’ve been spending my time on the most and whether or not those things have been bringing me joy and peace. I decided to share my journal entry with you because I thought it might be interesting for you to read, and also because I definitely think it will be interesting for you to write your own...

An account of my time:

It’s been interesting to see how I’ve been choosing to spend my time now that it’s seemingly unlimited and I have very little if anything that I actually HAVE to do. In fact, most everything that I used to do with my time that always seemed like such a necessity, is basically gone now. So, I’ve been noticing how everything I’m doing with my time feels like an active choice much more now than it did before. Here are my choices-

I am doing virtual off ice lessons with some of my students which is bringing a little bit of normalcy back to my life. I still get to teach, and I feel like I’m helping my students at least maintain if not gain more strength, flexibility, and body awareness for when we can get back out on the ice. These lessons have been a highlight of my day because I feel like I’m still doing what I love (in a slightly modified form) and I’m helping bring a little human connection and movement back into my students’ lives during this strange time.

I’ve been walking the dogs. A LOT. Going back to normal life is going to be really tough because I’ve been loving this time with the pups so, so much. New Lady Lexi is AMAZING and I’m so glad I have this time to spend with her. I’m really not sure how I feel about spending as much time away from home as I did pre-pandemic. We’ll see how that evolves, I guess. Taking them for long walks and runs has been super therapeutic for me and wonderful for them. They’re so happy to be outside and spending time with me, and I am, too! Taking them out is basically the only time I get to be outside, so I’m super grateful for that. Their little souls really do enrich our lives. Every second I spend with them truly makes me feel grounded, happy, and whole. 

I am SO happy that I’ve been COOKING! I used to cook a lot, and really enjoyed it, but lately (like, for the past couple of YEARS, lately...) I have literally not been cooking at all. And now I’m making almost every meal! I’m realizing that I didn’t want to cook because I always felt pressed for time and chose to order in or pick something up on the way home because whatever else I had on my mind seemed much more deserving of my time. For future times, I’d really like to find a way to adjust my schedule and my mindset so I feel less frantic and exhausted, because I’m realizing that I really do love to cook, but I need to be in the right mental space to do it. 

Cleaning! I’ve been cleaning! I used to HATE to clean, but I’m totally surprising myself by doing it a lot, and actually enjoying it! (?!?!) In pre-pandemic times, I had just finished Marie Kondo-ing most of my stuff and this helped IMMENSELY with making me actually want to clean on a more regular basis. She says this in her books, but having a neat space with not too much stuff in it, and only stuff that brings you joy, helps to make you actually want to keep it looking nice because it’s so important to you. When you have a lot of miscellaneous stuff lying around that you don’t really care about, you won’t have strong feelings about the space to begin with, so it doesn’t matter whether it’s clean or not because the space doesn’t really matter to you at all. But if you only have things that are very important to you and bring you joy (thanks, Marie), you want to make sure they get all the love and attention they deserve, and VOILA- the desire to clean is born. I’ve also naturally been doing a little bit of cleaning at a time- I’ll do the bathroom sink one day, vacuum another day, mop the floors another day, stove another...which is what all the clean freak blogs say to do, but I could never convince myself to actually do it. It’s so interesting that I’m naturally doing it now without even thinking. Definitely hoping this desire sticks for future times...

I’ve also been doing some really cool online salsa classes with instructors I can’t normally take class with. To be honest, I hardly ever had time to take class at all in pre-pandemic times, and I’m loving the opportunity to learn from those I admire most on my own time. I hope that these teachers will continue to offer online class options, because I will certainly continue to take advantage of it in future times!

As terrible as this time is, I am grateful that I have been able to focus on what’s positive. (As small and selfish as those positives may be...) I am grateful that I am in good health and have a safe home to shelter in. I am grateful for all the heroes out there fighting to heal and fighting to keep the gears of the world turning so this virus doesn’t make absolutely everything grind to a halt. I am grateful that I can take this time to learn more about myself and what’s important to me and I am grateful that I am learning a new mindset that I can take with me out into the future. The power of choice is incredible. The energetic shift within me when I think “I have to go to do this” vs. “I am choosing to do this with my whole heart” is momentous. It is so much easier and more wonderful to go about my day making conscious, joyful choices. It helps me see the beauty in everything I do and makes all my thoughts and actions more meaningful. In high school, when we would complain about having to take a test, my English teacher (and one of the most influential people in my whole life and favorite people of all time) used to say “you don’t have to take this test.” The first time she said it we were so surprised and happy! Omg it’s optional! We don’t have to take it! And she said “you’ll get a zero on the test if you don’t take it, but no one is forcing you to do it.” That was the first time I learned the power of choice, and it seems like I may have forgotten along the way to real adulthood, but now I remember. I choose the things that are important to me. And I choose them every moment of every day with a grateful, grounded heart. 💪🏼💜✊🏼